On Saying Goodbye To A Very Dear Friend

So I’ve been somewhat absent for a time. In fact it appears as though I just fell off the face of the earth. Most of you know that I don’t normally share deeply personal aspects of my life here on the blog, except when I have had major life changing moments, like this one. 

For some reason when those moments strike I always feel compelled to write and so here I sit writing yet again.

These past few months have seen me walking yet another big life changing path, one that I never chose to walk, one that chose me.

Today was the final stage of an ordeal that I never wish upon anyone. Today, in front of all her family and friends I said goodbye forever to my homeschooling best friend.

We’ve been by each other’s side for close to ten years. I have never known homeschooling without her. She has been my partner in crime, my teacher buddy (my Miss T), my confidante, my counsellor, my book buddy and my late night chatting (texting) about rubbish tv and without a doubt one of the dearest most treasured friendships I have ever known.

Nine days ago my friend left her earthly body as it could no longer go on. The cancer inside her was simply far too big a beast for her to fight. But fight she did, for nearly three years she has done everything imaginable to beat it. This included leaving her family behind and heading to the other side of the world for treatment. Whilst all of these things gave her more time, they simply weren’t enough and in the end there was nothing anyone could do except ensure she was comfortable and well loved.

Everyone keeps saying what a beautiful service it was today and I have spent all afternoon trying to reflect on all that took place there today. However, the reality of the situation hit me hard sitting there this morning. Today I couldn’t go busy myself with a job that needed doing (I had no patient to care for, no hospital appointments to attend). Today I had to immerse myself in the fact that Miss T is simply not away on extended leave, she truly is not returning to us on this earth, ever again.

All of the beautiful words spoken and sung about my friend were all just a little too much for me to bear and it took every ounce of my being to not completely lose myself there today. Consequently I don’t really remember anything much about the service.

I wrote a poem, after she passed and I did stand to deliver it but even that is a blur and so I will write it down once more and send it out into the universe where I know that my dear Miss T can hear it.

When She Walked In

Today I weep

For my friend

I hold so dear.

For goodbye I must say

To our earthly friendship here.

She was taken from me

Far too soon, with much life left to live

Her years here so few

There was still so much she wanted to do

She was always there

Through thick and thin

My life became much brighter

When she walked in

Many a day we’ve spent together

Talking and laughing

No matter the weather

This past year

Has seen us shed many a tear

But by her side I vowed to stand

Always loving her, holding her hand

Whilst things today are pretty tough

And the future ahead looks a little rough

I know that when I look to the moon

We will always have each other in sight

And one day, in time

Everything really will be alright

So now the time comes for me to get on with my life, get back to normal, to find a new kind of normal, without my dear, dear friend.   

For I know her all too well enough that if she could visit me for even just a moment, the first thing she would say to me is to live, to live a life she would proud of, a life I am proud of. To go on and face each day with an open, joyous heart, making the best of all that I am blessed with and giving all of me to those that are a part of my world.

In all moments of our life there is the good and there is not so good, but even in the not so good moments there is always, absolutely always, something positive and valuable to take away from it. 

Miss T has been one of the few people in my life that has loved me unconditionally and that, no one can ever take from me. 

Love truly is what makes the world go round, love truly is at the centre of everything and to love unconditionally is an amazing gift to possess and one that I will continue to strive for day in and day out.

Until we meet again my beautiful friend, I will hold you in my heart and I will love you forever xxx

In saying all that I really don't know when I will get back to my blog. Right now I have very little desire to write about homeschooling, but I am sure, in time, when it feels right, I will jump back in.